Every few years, all of us should read a book about a modern genocide. They are good reminders of our frail human nature.
Canadian journalist Marsha Leiderman takes us on a different kind of genocide story. She talks about the effects of the Holocaust on the progeny of the survivors. She gives us her story of being a daughter of the Holocaust.
The central thread of this book is Marsha’s divorce — and the immense personal loss she experienced with that life change. She cannot reason why she is so traumatized when her parents suffered far worse than she.
Marsha’s father escaped from a Jewish ghetto in Poland. Somehow, he found a forger who gave him a new identity as a Polish Catholic. Then he escaped into Germany and worked as a farm laborer for a German farmer throughout the war. He lost his entire family to the gas chambers.
Marsha’s mother spent the war as a slave laborer, doing whatever it took to survive until tomorrow. Hard work, crowded barracks, and malnutrition were her plights.
Marsha’s parents found each other after the war. They married and had one daughter. Because of antisemitism still in Poland, they immigrated to Canada and brought two more daughters into the world. Marsha is the youngest.
Epigenetics
Marsha takes us into epigenetics and its implications for humans undergoing extreme trauma.
My understanding of this science is that some of our DNA is turned off, most of the time. But when we get to a position of extreme stress, the DNA is turned on — and it helps us get through the stress. For example, this DNA enabled Marsha’s parents to find ways to survive the Holocaust. If the stress is prolonged, that DNA stays on. Marsha’s parents lived the rest of their lives as if the next Holocaust was not far away, even in their much more secure life in Toronto.
When a child is conceived with such parents, she is born with that DNA turned on. In other words, Marsha too was living as if the next Holocaust was not far away. This fear affects her formative years, with that DNA not really being turned off — even though she was never in the same danger as her parents were.
Please note that epigenetics happens above and beyond whatever mental illnesses Marsha’s parents may have acquired in the Holocaust years, which would have also affected Marsha’s upbringing.
The Healing
I come from a traumatized family situation. I had a mild depression for 30 years before I started dealing with it. I am better, much better. But I won’t say I’m completely cured. I often suspect that my trauma is still lingering, so I seek help from a counsellor when making important life decisions.
Part of me was anticipating Marsha would eventually provide us with her contribution to her failing marriage. She really didn’t do that. In fact, she didn’t provide too many details of the flaws of her parents and ex-husband. All these flaws were unimportant to Marsha’s story. Marsha and her husband could not make things work out because both had some personal shortcomings. That’s all she needed to say.
More importantly, this book showed me a person going through a personal life journey, trying to understand why she is the way she is — or was. Marsha studied epigenetics. She attended conferences of the progeny of Holocaust survivors. She retraced the European steps her parents made before, during, and after the war. She reconnected with her Jewish roots. She was coming to peace with her after-divorce life. She wrote this book. All these actions were her healing. She may not be fully cured, but she is much better.
We need more people to take this kind of life journey. Many more!
Most of us still need refreshers on the nature of genocides. So read this book!
Published on Medium 2023
